Minimalistic At Best...

Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are creativity, ultra-violence and Mario

7.26.2004

"Jealousy Type A"

Everything I try just makes it worse. On me, that is. It even haunts my dreams. I don't want it to. I don't want it to effect me. I had a goddamn dream about it last night, without being provoked a single bit. I just want to not think about it, but my subconscious is definitely not helping. What’s worse is that I'm not even sure what I'm upset about, but the past leads me to believe its precisely what I suspect. It's like a creeping fear, something I know, but don't want to find out. And once again,

My brain isn't helping.

I don't even care anymore. Or at least I thought I didn't. Some part of me does, and every action on their behalf effects that one part of me very heavily. I think I'm a good person, but obviously not good enough for some things. Those things are things I need to forget about, not the thing itself, but the emotions surrounding it. Again, I thought I had, I really did. But the dreams and mood swings that come unprovoked are proof that I haven't.

One day I'll be perfect, and everyone will regret the things they put me through. Or one day I'll be dead, and it goes the same for them. Whichever road I choose, they'll regret it. Yes they will.

As for my birthday (July 23) it was pretty much a letdown. I'm not going to get into it, but I didn't expect much more than what happened, which could be the explanation for my opinion. Whatever, it just proves my "just another day" theory. Getting my hopes up about a birthday is stupid. From now on, it’s just another day.

I'm getting ready to move. I'm packing, and packing, and it seems like I'm just working with no result here.

At any rate, right now, I'm not doing too well on the inside.

What else is new?

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